More tips for parents about keeping
their kids drugfree at www.drugfree.org.
6
Tips On Dealing With Your Growing Teenager
Raising kids is stressful, especially when it
involves independence-seeking, boundary-pushing teenagers. While you want your
children to have some autonomy, be aware that they need your help, guidance,
and limits to keep them on track.
1. Give
Them a Cell Phone
Yes, they can be expensive, but you can limit
their minutes, and specify the conditions for its use. Giving your teen a cell
phone will allow them the freedom they want, and will give you some peace of
mind. Let them go to their friend’s house after school (but make sure it’s supervised)
as long as they call you when they arrive and let you know when they’ll be
home. It’s a good way to keep track of their actions while giving them the
space they need.
Caveat: Some teens intentionally don’t pick up
their phone number on caller ID — so let them know that you expect them to keep
the phone on at all times — and answer when you call (that’s a condition for
having the phone.)
2. Get to
Know the Other Parents
If you want to be sure that your teen is in a
safe environment, make a point to get to know her friends’ parents. And don’t
apologize for keeping track of her. She’ll complain vehemently, but if other
parents do likewise, the kids will come to accept it. Get the parents’
information — especially their phone numbers. Every once in a while give them a
call when your child is at their house. This way, your daughter will think
twice about going somewhere without telling you — knowing there’s a chance you
could call and learn that she’s lied.
3. Emphasize
the Connection between Behaving Responsibly and Earning Trust
Your teen may insist that you’re embarrassing
him by treating him like a baby but remind him that trust is earned gradually,
not given in response to demands. Each time that he lets you know where he’s
going, with whom, and when he’ll be home — it’s an opportunity to demonstrate
responsible behavior. And as his track record becomes increasingly consistent,
you’ll gladly give him more slack! On the other hand, if he’s violating your
limits, and not acting in a trustworthy fashion, he’ll have to wait a lot
longer for the freedom he so desperately wants.
Keep in mind: Teens want
to be trusted, and really enjoy their parents’ trust and thrive under it when
they receive it. It’s a huge plus if teens see that their parents are encouraging
and expecting them to be trustworthy. It’s that enjoyment of measured
independence — albeit a fine balance — that makes the issue of being “treated
like a baby” truly a non-issue. So, give your kid trust and responsibility at
each turn as soon as you believe she can handle it — along with clear and
consistent expectations and rules.
4. Put
Out the Welcome Mat
Teens are always looking for a place to hang out
— especially on the weekends and during those crucial hours after school. So,
if you’re around during these times, and you have the space, why not have them
over? This way, your kids can spend some time with their friends — but you can
be around to supervise and get to know them better. You and your kids get the best of both worlds — socializing and
supervision.
Caveat: Pop in periodically to ask if they’d
like anything (like a snack or soft drink, for example). But don’t overdo it or
they’ll start avoiding you like the plague.
5. Involve
Them with Constructive After-School Activities
Just because your son or daughter isn’t the
athletic type, doesn’t mean they can’t participate in intramurals or other
non-competitive sports. And there are also drama clubs, academic clubs, the
school newspaper, community service projects, and countless other opportunities
for involvement after school. Your kid will have a focus and you’ll be able to
relax during the crucial hours between 3 and 6 p.m., the time when most kids
get into trouble without parental supervision.
Fact: Teens who participated in two or more
activities are half as likely to use drugs regularly than those who participate
in only one activity or none at all. (7.8 percent compared to 16.3 percent)
(Source: National
Household Survey on Drug Abuse 2000)
Fact: Students who
participated in band, orchestra, chorus, or in a school play or musical were
significantly less likely than non-participants to use drugs.
(Source: Department of
Health and Human Services)
6. Consider
an Allowance
They always need money —but you’re not always
sure what for. Think about your kid’s activities during the week and talk to
them about their spending needs. This should help you come up with a reasonable
amount for their allowance. This money should carry them through the week but
if they can’t make it last, you’ll want to discuss why — perhaps they’re not
being responsible. A budget may hinder them from making expensive, illicit
purchases like cigarettes (the average cost of a pack of cigarettes is $3.50
but can be as high at $7.50 in some cities.) Also, an allowance can teach them
the responsibility of money and they may realize it’s a waste of time to throw
it away on drugs.
Caveat: If they don’t ask you for more money but
seem to turn up items that they can’t afford — they may be involved in an
illicit activity.
More
tips for parents about keeping their kids drugfree at www.drugfree.org.
Used with Permission.
©
Partnership for a Drug-Free America
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